I've really been wrestling a lot lately with what it means to follow Jesus... not just ideologically but in practice... to really follow him... to really live my life differently.
So a group of us from church have been studying the book "Weird: Because Normal Isn't Working" by Craig Groeshel and really talking about what it means to follow Jesus and live for him... but not just talk about it, live it!
Well, God has really been dealing with my heart on the whole money issue lately... tithing, giving, generosity, living debt free, etc. and this is one of the areas in our study of "Weird" that I've really been trying to take some action steps. I know this is an area of my life where I've had the illusion of thinking I'm in control. So over the years we've been way more reliant on credit cards than we should be and in the end probably missed out on the opportunity to be reliant on God and see the miracles of his provision on so many occasions.
I've been feeling in my heart like God wants me to cut up all the credit cards and get rid of that illusion of control that keeps me from completely depending on him but it's like the worst time right now! We live in California but have a house in Michigan still that we've been renting just to try to pay all the bills. Well, our renters recently moved out leaving us with our normal bills plus our mortgage payment to carry... and to top it all off the city building inspector came through and cited us for $3000 in repairs which we don't have the money to pay for. The kicker is we can't rent the house again until the repairs are done so we have to do them.
I've been praying hard, believing God to provide, but all the while had a plan B waiting in the wings, knowing that I could use the credit cards to help pay the bill if necessary. Last week, the day that I got the estimate from the contractor, as I was crunching numbers trying to figure out how we were going to pay this bill, the church treasurer shows up in my office with a check for $500 that someone from the church anonymously wanted to give to us! It was as if God was reminding me that he's more than able to provide... Cool, indeed... however, there still is $2500 that we don't have!
Ironically, if we were able to find renters for the house, the first months rent, the security deposit and the $500 anonymous gift would almost exactly cover the bill. But we haven't had much luck in finding renters. Lots of interest but nothing coming through. So I just continued to believe that God could provide but my plan B was still waiting in the wings.
Well, today I was watching a message online about Bold Obedience to God and I just knew in my heart at the end of this message that the Bold step of obedience I needed to take was to cut up all the credit cards and trust that God would provide. I was terrified knowing that there was no other way to pay this bill if the credit cards were gone but I knew it's what I had to do to truly trust God in this situation. I collected all the credit cards and was getting up out of my chair to go run them through the shredder (still terrified if I was making the right decision) when I glanced at my phone and noticed I had an email. It was from one of the people who had previously gone through our house stating that they really liked the house and are planning to submit an application in the next couple days!
Nothing is for sure at this point but it was just the confirmation I needed!
The credit cards have been run through the shredder!
God is good!
